COMMUNICATION

COMMUNICATION

Being back in my old stomping grounds on the east coast has been an eye opening time of seeing my personal growth. I’m living in the same house, with my horse in the same barn, as I was a little under four years ago. One of the most noticeable changes I have observed is my increased communication.

Say Something

I’ve always had a hard time speaking up. As I learn more about myself and my innate personality, I have come to realize that part of that stems from a deep longing to avoid confrontation or some uncomfortable conversation. Often, I would keep my mouth closed because it seemed a better option than saying something that might incur a disagreement or feelings of incompetence.

This led to intense lack of communication between myself and others most often when it came to planning. I would give non-committal answers about event attendance. I would fail to inform important parties about plans until last minute. It was frustrating for myself and those close to me, but in my mind the confrontation was inevitable and was better avoided as long as possible. What I didn’t realize then was that I was creating the conflict by my intense procrastinating.

Looking back I wish I could be able to tell my past self how much easier it is when I just speak up! Not only am I happier when I say “no” to things that don’t interest me and “yes” to the things that do, those who surround me are happier as well. The number of conflicts that I have been able to avoid by not allowing them to be created in the first place is beyond count.

Translation Tools

              The other day I had the pleasure of teaching both my niece and nephew a riding lesson. As we were walking out into the field, I carried my “carrot stick” (the horseman’s lunging whip) and wore my spurs. My nephew asked about both of them, questioning what they were for. I informed him that they were my translating tools, and that because Gabe doesn’t speak human, I have to speak horse and that both my stick and my spurs help me talk to him.

              It’s important that in our horsemanship, we keep the lines of communication open between us and our horses. I spoke in a previous blog about the importance of connection. This is because a core principle in horsemanship is “communication is two or more individuals sharing and understanding an idea.” If we stand on that statement as a foundation, we see that not only do we need to know how to speak to our horses, we also need to know how to listen to and understand them.

              There are so many outlets for learning better communication, such as the Parelli levels videos. It is so important to take advantage of these outlets for our horsemanship, but they are just as important for your human relationships as well. Knowing that every person is different, and that personalities come in a vast array, it’s helpful to find tools that help you understand how other people see and understand your shared world. One tool I have found and held onto for translation purposes is the Enneagram, a personality typology that dives into the “why” behind people actions.

Repeat Repeat

              Another lesson I’ve observed myself learning is the importance of repetition. Pat Parelli is famous for saying that “a horse has to do something seven times before he learns it.” In a way, the same rings true for us humans as well. Repeating actions creates habits, and once open communication becomes a habit it acts as grease to the wheels of healthy relationships.

              The other importance of repetition comes from our need to hear things numerous times, and often in numerous ways. I’m famous for having something said to me and it falling on deaf ears. However, when something is repeated to me, it starts to embed itself in my brain.

              Within my riding, I have seen how much easier communicating with Gabe has become over the past year. Not only do I have better tools for speaking what I want to him, I also have repeated myself enough that I have become fluent.

Final Thoughts

              Better communication has been a long journey for me, a journey I’m still on for sure. This time of recognizing my growth is a moment of fresh air for me however. I know how important it is to recognize success, and I hope my growth can give you hope to continue building your communication skills!